


He Knows If You've Been Bad Or Good

by JudeDeluca



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Robin (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Titans (Comics)
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 08:32:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeDeluca/pseuds/JudeDeluca
Summary: Jason Todd's forced to dress up as Santa at the local mall, when who should show up but his little brother?A Christmas gift for a friend.





	He Knows If You've Been Bad Or Good

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really a Jason or a Damian fan, but I wrote this as a gift to a friend who's done a few art requests for me over the years.

Jason Todd muttered and grumbled as he sat on the throne in Santa’s workshop. This was a cruel and unusual punishment, even by Batman’s standards. The line of children waiting to see Santa appeared to be over a mile long. Exactly how long was he going to be here? The entire day? Maybe if he was lucky.

Okay, so he blew up ONE Batmobile. It’s not as though Bruce had done worse. How many cop cars did HE destroy on a regular basis when in pursuit of a bad guy. But no, Bruce, stickler as he is, was forcing Jason to help pay off the damages by volunteering through Wayne Enterprises’ holiday programs.

And that meant dressing as Santa on the weekends at local malls.

“Look at it this way,” Dick joked when Jason realized there was no way he was getting out of this, “those thighs of yours are built for something like this.” Jason could only glare back in response to Dick’s taunting.

Jason mentally sighed as one of “Santa’s helpers” announced it was time for all the good boys and girls to visit the man in charge of the holiday. The children all began to cheer,   
and one by one they jumped on Jason’s lap to tell “Santa” what they wanted for Christmas.

There were nice kids, bratty kids, snotty kids, quiet kids, crying kids, and even one who came close to vomiting. Routine quickly set in and Jason was starting to get more bored than annoyed, when suddenly…

“I still don’t see why I have to do this, Pennyworth.”

Pennyworth?

Uh-oh.

Jason looked up to see the next person in line was none other than Damian Wayne, his surrogate younger brother, standing beside Alfred, the Bat Family’s butler.

“Each of your brothers has acquired a photo sitting with Santa,” Alfred calmly explained for the umpteenth time, “And now it’s your turn. It’s a Wayne Family tradition.”

“In some families the traditions involve something about hunting an animal as a rite of manhood,” Damian muttered.

“Then consider this your rite of manhood,” Alfred drawled.

This was a joke, right? They had to know it was Jason in the Santa costume, hidden behind the fake beard. More punishment from Bruce, he suspected.

“Hello, ‘Santa,’” Damian seemed to put extra energy into his scowl the moment he sat on Jason’s lap.

“Well hello there, little boy,” Jason lowered his voice in an attempt to sound more like Santa Claus, “and what’s your name?”

“I thought you were supposed to know who every boy and the girl was,” Damian’s tone of voice practically dripped with accusation as he spoke.

“Uh-“

“Whatever,” Damian sniffed, “my name is Damian Wayne, and the faster we get this farce over with the faster I can hold on to what little dignity I still possess.”

Was it possible? Did Damian truly not know it was Jason in the Santa suit? The day might be salvaged after all.

“Now comes the part where I’m supposed to tell you everything I wish to acquire this Christmas season,” Damian folded his arms across his chest, “Even though if I told you what I’d really like my father will get angry at me and revoke certain privileges at home.”

Damian was alluding to how he’d like to gain several new types of weapons in his training arsenal, which of course he couldn’t ask a mall Santa.

“Ah,” Santa!Jason began, “but can you tell me if you’ve been a good little boy this year?”

“Excuse you, Mr. Kringle,” Damian huffed, “but I am NOT little. And I can assure you I have been on my absolute best behavior this past year. Better even than most children my age.”

“Oh really?” Jason asked as he looked Damian straight in the eye.

“Yes, really,” Damian obviously did not enjoy being called out.

Jason would probably regret this, but he saw a golden opportunity and wasn’t about to waste it.

“Can you truly say you’ve been a good boy this year, Damian?” Jason put extra emphasis on saying his younger brother’s name.

“What are you implying?” Damian inquired.

“Could you call yourself a good little boy after what you did to your brother Tim?” Jason was sure that’d get a reaction out of the little snot. Damian tried his best not to let that question get to him.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to,” Damian avoided Santa!Jason’s gaze, “nor did I ever say anything about having a brother.”

“I’m Santa, I know everything,” Jason explained, “sometimes I have to pretend I don’t so no one gets scared. Kind of like how you scared your older brother by hiding that mouse trap inside his bag of marshmallows.”

“How did-“ Damian stopped himself, “I mean, what could you be talking about?”

“You mean how you stuck a bunch of mouse traps inside your brother, Timothy’s, emergency marshmallow stashes as a way to lecture him about his stress eating?” Jason carefully explained, and it seemed he was starting to get to Damian.

“He eats like a pig, he should be thankful I’m worried about his health!” Damian argued before he realized what came out of his mouth. “I mean-“

“Or how about when you ate the last microwave waffles even though Stephanie had specifically asked for them for breakfast that morning?” Jason was on a roll.

“She hogs the waffles!” Damian was starting to get scared.

“Sort of like you hog the bathroom in the morning and keep everyone waiting?”

“I need to get my hair done properly or I look like a troll doll!” Damian instinctively raised his hands to his hair.

“And what about the time you deliberately withheld a message from your other brother, Dick’s, girlfriend about their date night?”

“He promised to take me to the Cheese Viking movie that night!” Damian’s face was getting red. “Have you been spying on me? Who are you?!”

“And what about all the times you threatened your poor brother Jason instead of appreciating having someone to look after you?”

That might’ve been too much.

“…Todd.”

The children standing in line suddenly cried out in terror.

“Mommy, that little boy’s trying to murder Santa!”

“Well,” Alfred sighed, “he didn’t burn the building down. That’s an improvement.”


End file.
